Today marks the end of my 2nd week with the new clinic. So far, it's started to really feel comfortable and I've started being able to find things and do things without help from the others. I am, of course, paranoid to let the universe know I'm feeling happy and optimistic, but so far so good.

That said, today was a little crazier than it's been since I started and my hip and shoulder are really feeling it. While the previous clinic had lift tables and did nothing on the floor, the new one keeps the heavier/larger pets on the floor for us and them. I'm fine with it, but it gives the bigger dogs more leverage to get away from me which with my right side currently not great, doesn't make things easy. Still, I'm hoping I'll be able to get through the conditioning my body needs to get used to it.

I didn't mention it previously, but I am enacting what I call my back up plan: I'm going to start a Medical Billing/Coding Certificate program in the spring. I'm hoping that by the time I complete it, I will have more information on my conditions and a better idea of what I need to do to stay healthy. I may be able to use it for a second income or, if it turns out to be better for me, a full-time income. I may never use it either, but my psych degree, unfortunately, would require far more to get me into a career I'd enjoy and I don't think I can physically or mentally do it.

Words written so far this week: 604
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Daniel Wants Sleep

Six Months Later

Well, we're a half a year into COVID and life has gotten pretty odd for the majority of us, I think. I know for me that switching to a one-day-a-week shopping day has been draining if only because I don't often have the energy levels needed for all the errands. I have started going out here and there just to hit the Dollar Tree or Rite Aid.

I have, unfortunately, come to the realization that my body is beginning to fail me. While I look perfectly healthy, this year has brought me a worsening of my gastroparesis and several new diagnoses and doctors. At the suggestion of several of my treating professionals, Hannah is being trained for service work including mobility. I've been requested to stop working as well because of the physical tax it is taking on me, but stubborn as I am, I am not ready to admit defeat.

Despite needing more time off this year to figure out my health, I did ultimately leave the vet clinic I was at. After 12 years, I knew I needed a change and was offered a position at a clinic 7 minutes from my home. I started there 17 September and so far am glad I made the change: it's a smaller clinic that has a relaxed atmosphere and a kind staff. I already needed a day off for an appointment in NYC and they were very professional and had no issues with it. I'm exceedingly grateful for it.

All that said, I haven't done as much writing as I'd hoped the extra time would allow. Due to the anxiety and depression wrought by 2020, I have mostly spent my days working on training with Hannah, watching Disney+, and playing Animal Crossing New Horizons. It's hard to admit that, honestly, as I've always turned to reading and writing when times were bad, but all the mental issues have manifested in my ADHD, making anything more than a few sentences at a time difficult. (TBH, this post may be the longest thing I've written in a continuous stretch in a while!) Hopefully that will begin to change. *fingers crossed* I have returned to the SW fic I began in January and while I don't normally post WIPs, I think it'll help me to finish the story.
Poe Dameron

Fic: In the Eye, Poe Dameron Centric. Teen.

Title: In the Eye
Pairings: Minor/background Han Solo/Leia Organa, Temmin Wexley/Harter Kalonia, Rey/Ben Solo.
Character Focus: Poe Dameron
AU?: Yes. Canon Divergence.
Warnings: Discussion of torture, PTSD, seizures.
Summary: There were more than just a few wounds to recover from after the interrogation by Ren for Poe.

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Roll Call

The World is on Fire

Well, I've been gone a while. In no way unusual for me, of course, and I've popped in occasionally to scroll through my feed, but tbh, I haven't really read anything. For obvious reasons, my ADHD & anxiety has been off the charts.

I never thought 2020 could become even more of a dumpster fire than it already was from COVID, especially since each month seemed to bring something even more ridiculous than the last, but this... My hero since I was a small child has been MLK Jr, and I never thought I'd participate in the honest-to-Gods groundwork he laid to continue a fight that should long be over. Why we should still have to march in the streets is beyond my comprehension.

I hope everyone is safe and healthy through this all.
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My doctor called at 7:40 this morning to tell me that I am negative for COVID 19, which is a relief but also concerning because it means I am still in danger of potentially getting it. I started antibiotics on Sunday to treat what is likely an underlying infection of some kind, so hopefully it breaks the fever entirely-it's down in the morning, back up in the evening-and I can get a chance to go back to work instead of just sitting around on my butt.

Because of Hannah, I had to take a temporary stop in writing this week as with me being home, she wasn't getting the same exercise/play time that she was getting at work and at daycare, which in turn made bedtime a little bit difficult and that's my primary writing time. Today, she was able to go to her daycare, however, and that means I'll have a chance to pull up Google Docs and work.

Hopefully everyone is well. <3
Head Explode

Stay At Home Day 16

Still waiting on my test results, but assuming they'll be negative since I'm feeling a little bit better breathing-wise. The fever is lingering; this morning it was down a bit, but this afternoon it was back to 100. I'm tempted to start the antibiotics my doc prescribed and see if the fever breaks, but she really didn't want me to yet so I'm torn.

I'm looking into another lawyer to get a second perspective before I proceed with filing bankruptcy, but obviously that's on-hold at the moment unless it becomes a necessity.

Otherwise, how is everyone? I know a lot of people are having trouble being home and trapped inside like this. I'm grateful that I live in a house on a sparse street so I can go outside without feeling like I'm endangering someone, but so many people I know live in apartments. I hope everyone's managing as best they can. <3

damn you, covid-19

The downside to being asthmatic is that I'm 90% sure I have a sinus infection and the asthma attack that usually goes along with it because of post-nasal drip, but I knew, as I called my GP this morning, that I was more than likely going to be tested.

I was right. They're doing a drive-thru testing at the office, my doc does the swabs, and I've already been warned it'll take days for the results, so there goes my chance to go to work next week. :( Hopefully it comes back negative and I can get out of this house for more than 10 minutes, because I will be stir-crazy if I have to go much longer.

Stay in Place

Cuomo gave the order for everyone in New York to stay in place today. Mom and I had run to Target & Whole Foods before the announcement to pick up a few things; I wore my mask and didn't touch anything unless necessary. Hopefully that'll be the last time I have to go out before my turn on the work rotation, unless something changes drastically.

I've been home since last Thursday, working on prompts and working with Hannah on her commands. I caught up on laundry and house chores, thankfully. I need to put a little of the laundry away, but that's my task for tomorrow.

How's everyone doing with all that's going on?

(no subject)

Someone sling prompts at me. I need the distraction(s), although my desire to write has just tanked the last few weeks because of everything...

I'll reply to comments this week, since, well, I have 2 weeks off from work--paid, thankfully--as my boss is freaking out about coronavirus. I've been around, hitting refresh on my reading/friends pages, though I haven't had the attention span to do more than scroll through.

I spoke with 1 lawyer so far who recommends I file chapter 13, doing a particular program through the county court that's 3450$ after all the fees. I want to speak with another lawyer, just to see if that recommend the same thing, but there aren't too many lawyers in my area that deal with bankruptcy. I also have to talk with my parents since I feel like this is something that I'm going to need their help with in the long run, which is just a conversation I have been dreading so much I keep putting it off.

But they're in Florida at the moment, so I've been drinking white claw while I clean the house and get the place ready in case I have to go to the hospital. With the coronavirus panic, I've picked up extras of my medication including my maintenance inhaler; I'm waiting for refills on a few others. The cats and the dog are all set for food and water, just have to change the litterboxes; the dishes need to be done and I need to vacuum, but the laundry is caught up. For the moment, I'm taking my victories where I can get them.

Hope everyone is safe right now.
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Screw 2020

I have been absent from the internet for some time now, excepting for Reddit, and well, it comes down to the fact that the added stress from work has really been weighing me down. Things were improving, although I really had a rough day Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday, I had previously had approved for a short vacation that turned into a staycation that was supposed to help me relax.

Relaxation failed as I was served paperwork on default for one of my student loans. I very rapidly realized that the time has come to file for bankruptcy. Between medical bills, credit card bills, and student loans, my credit is destroyed and I can no longer survive on my meager paycheck. Knowing that what follows the default is wage garnishment, I won't be able to stay out of collections with my other creditors. I know it won't make my student loans vanish, but I have been pissing on a fire for a long time: my token payments are barely making any dent into what has ballooned to 100K from 75K at graduation.

I have been living on Xanax all weekend. I can barely find it in me to clean the house, but my mother is here for a bit and I can't let her know yet so I did get up and do what I needed. I figure once I speak with a few lawyers and make the determination of how I'm going to proceed, I'll talk to my parents about how bad my finances really are. Especially since my car loan has 7K left on it and it's in both mine and my mother's names and I don't know what's going to happen if I really do end up filing.

Maybe I have a savings bond that's matured and I can put something toward this mess...
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